Taking your sex life to a higher level and deeper level simultaneously through Tantric practices begins outside of the sexual act. It really is about fully blending the masculine and feminine within you – your Shiva and Shakti as well as blending your soul with your lover’s. When you can come together and no longer are consciously aware of where you end and your lover begins you can experience Mahamudra or a total blending with the Universe as a whole. Yes, you will still be able to tell your physical bodies apart from one another, but the sensation of melding your soul with your lover’s soul and even on a Universal level in which you sense a blending with All is an orgasmic experience that is like no other and it cannot be described in human language. But, how can you move towards the potentiality of such levels of sensuality, sexuality and orgasmic experience?
It doesn’t have to take vast amounts of sexual experience or a deep spiritual practice to open the doors to these new levels. Such things can be beneficial, but are not absolutely necessary. We are about to share with you a few things you can do that will take no more than 15 minutes – unless, of course, you choose to spend more time on them.
Before we share them, it is vitally important for you to understand that as you go into these exercises, activities, or moments that you have no set goal in mind. Be open to accepting whatever experience you have as the one you are meant to have. It does not need to be like someone else’s. It is your experience. Just as no two of us are identical no two of our experiences should be expected to be identical either. Furthermore, the experience you have on one occasion may be quite different from the experience you have doing the very same activity at a different time or on a different day or in a different place. Do not expect sex, orgasm, climax, or spectacular fireworks. Just remain open to what comes through for you. Do not expect anything of your partner either. Place attention on your lover, but with no expectations. Open your heart and your soul and just be and just allow the moment to just be.
Set Time Aside
The first step is to set 15 minutes aside for the two of you to focus on one another, to practice these following exercises/activities, and to willingly let your guard down. (Remember to focus on yourself during this time, too.)
Create a Safe and Sacred Space
This can be as simple as turning the lights down low or lighting some candles or lighting a fire in the fireplace. You may choose to play music softly in the background (music you both enjoy – with or without lyrics, sounds of nature, tribal beats, etc.). Lay a soft blanket on the floor or join one another in the center of your bed. Surround yourself with only things that support the two of you. Take down any pictures or put away any items that bother you in any way. Remove any clutter from the area.
Yab Yum
One partner will sit cross-‐legged while the other partner will sit facing him/her.
The second partner will wrap his/her legs around the first partner’s waist. This yab yum position will place you face-‐to-‐face and chest-‐to-‐chest. If this is uncomfortable for you, adjust it so that it works for you. Perhaps, crossing your legs isn’t comfy or sitting on your lover that way doesn’t work for you. Change it. You can also sit in two chairs facing one another – close enough for your knees to touch or even close enough so that you place your feet in between your lover’s. If you can, wrap your arms around each other. Otherwise, hold hands. Place your foreheads together (the third eye kiss) and just breathe. Remain like this for 3-‐5 minutes. Simply hold this gentle, quiet space for each other. Notice your lover’s breathing. Notice your own. Pay attention to the way he/she feels as you are touching. Then notice how you feel physically and emotionally. When (if) outside things pop into your head – work, kids, the dog – just acknowledge them and then return your focus to the moment.
Honoring Through Your Kiss
You can remain in the yab yum (or your version) position or you can shift positions. Again, this is about each of you and your experience. Spend the next 3-‐5 minutes kissing your sweetheart. These kisses do not need to be hot and sexy. They can be gentle and sweet. They don’t have to be open-‐mouthed or even have to be on the lips though know that the heart is literally connected to the tongue physically as well as spiritually. Take turns kissing one another. Allow your kisses to reflect how you feel about him/her, how you want to treat him/her, and how you feel about and want to treat your relationship overall.
Communication Via Eye Gaze and Touch
While you are either in yab yum or simply facing each other look into your partner’s eyes. We often get so busy that we forget to do this, and I am not even talking about forgetting or overlooking the deep long look, but we can easily just barely make eye contact at all. Looking into your lover’s eyes helps connect the two of you. Sometimes, especially if you haven’t done this for a while, gazing directly into his/her eyes for a couple of minutes can feel like a staring contest. If it makes you uncomfortable, just start out with what works for you. Gaze lovingly into your sweetie’s eyes until you feel the need to look elsewhere. Then shift your gaze, roaming your eyes over his/her body. Take notice of all of him/her – ears, cheeks, lips, nose, hair, shoulders, neck, etc. You can also trail your fingers along as you move your gaze along the body. When you are ready look into the eyes again even if your partner is not looking into your eyes. Eventually, your gaze will draw his/hers back to you. Continue to move through this experience together for 3-‐5 minutes.
See how easy it can be to move into a different space with your lover? If you can dedicate to trying these activities a couple of times a week (or even just once a week to start), you will begin to notice a transformation in your relationship. This doesn’t have to be complicated, and remember to let your expectations go. Let it be what it is for the two of you.
Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. Rob Alex, M.Sc.
Sexychallenges.com
Photo credit: fotolia.com
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