Monday, February 11, 2013

5 Minutes to More Mindful & Sacred Sex

Mindfulness stems from Buddhist teachings and can be quite profound once you raise your awareness and bring it into your life.  In fact, when you become more mindful, those around you become more mindful too.  You exude this state and it brings this type of being into the conscious and unconscious minds of those you encounter. 

In a sense the word “mindful” is a bit of a paradox.  When you practice this way of being you focus in gently on your present moment and the full experience of being present in that moment.  You allow all the pressures of work, household chores, your guilt for not exercising today, the stack of bills on the desk, etc. to fade from your consciousness as you focus solely on the moment.  Your mind is not “full” of all these other things.  Instead, it is free and clear (that is your intent) to accept your full experience.  Hey, doesn’t that sound awesome for lovemaking?  Being able to let go of the lists in your head and the stressors from the day and solely focus on the sensations and emotions that you are sharing with your sweetheart is a phenomenal benefit of learning to practice mindfulness. 

But, how can you let those things go?  Here are two options that can be done in five minutes. 

Mindful Shower Meditation:

When you take a shower give your full attention to the way the water feels as it runs down your body.  Feel the warmth.  You can even adjust the temperature just for the purpose of being mindful of how cooler water or hotter water affects different parts of your body.  As you lather soap feel its slickness, breathe deeply filling your lungs with the scent, feel your hands rubbing the soap over each part of your body.  Feel with your hands and feel with each individual part of your body.  Allow the sensations to be separate and then allow them to flow together as a whole.  Notice how your feet are touching the shower floor.  Notice the water pooling around your feet, running between your toes.  Focus momentarily on each toe and what it feels like as it helps balance you.  Do you feel the ridges in the shower floor or the bumps of a bathmat?  When you shift into a new position feel how the shower spray changes and touches different parts of your body.  Listen to it splattering against the shower wall, the shampoo bottles, the shower floor, and your body. 

Do this practice by yourself until you feel comfortable with it.  Later you can ask your lover to shower with you and the two of you can experience this together.  You can still focus on your own body, but you can also focus on your lover’s body.

This is a practice that may move into sensual intimate play with yourself or with your lover.  When practicing such deep mindfulness during your play you will open to the sacredness of lovemaking. 

Loving Kindness Mindful Meditation

This is very different kind of practice than the previous one.  With this practice you are going to focus sexual energy with loving thoughts towards the health and happiness of others.

Create a safe and sacred space in which to make love with your partner.  Use soft lighting or candles.  Play pleasing music that you both enjoy.  You may even choose to use scented oil or lube to enhance the experience.  Then engage in sensual play.  Throughout the experience focus on the moment – each feeling, each sensation, each breath (take notice of your breath as often as you can).  After the two of you are sated, lie quietly together with your hands placed on your lower abdomens, which will place them above your sacral chakras.  Your palms should be against your skin.  It is also powerful to place your thumbs together and the tips of your index fingers.  This will make the shape of a triangle. 

Then you are to focus loving thoughts towards either someone in particular or even the Universe as a whole.  Imagine them filled with happiness and vibrant health.  Focus solely on sending warm and loving light toward them.  In these moments of mindfulness, you are directing your sexual energy towards healing others and sharing the sacredness of two souls blending together in lovemaking.     

You can easily add these mindfulness exercises into your day-to-day life, which will open you to more sacred sensuality with yourself and with your lover.  This will help you bring sacred sexuality into your daily life as well.  (What is the difference between sensuality and sexuality? See a previous post we shared.)  It only takes five minutes.  Try it.  You can do it sitting at your desk as well – just focus in on the feel of everything, the scents, the things you see, the sounds you are hearing.  The where and when doesn’t matter once you are used to doing it.  And, the more you practice the more you will notice it simply becoming a normal part of you and your experience.  It will begin to transform you and bring you more joy, more peace and a deep sense of relaxation.

One final note – when random thoughts, worries about the kids or a noisy neighbor interrupt your mindfulness practice simply make note of it, allow it, accept it, and then refocus.  If you need to, return your focus to your breathing first, then move back into focusing on your sensations.  Do not judge yourself or become frustrated when other things enter.  It is going to happen.  Let it and then let it be.      

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D.
Rob Alex, M.Sc.

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