Sacred Sex for Healing
(3 Ways to Use Sacred Sex to Begin Healing)
American culture has a fairly negative attitude around sex
in general. There is also a great chasm
between sex and spirituality. Many
believe it is a dirty and sinful act.
What is the expression – “sins of the flesh”? Therefore, we are often told not to have sex
unless we are married and even then there are those who believe it should be
done hurriedly just to get it over with or maybe only done with the goal being
to procreate.
Sex is a time when we are most vulnerable – physically and
emotionally. Yet, it is also a time that
we can become most open spiritually. You
can pierce the veil between the Earthly plane and the spiritual dimensions when
you transform the physical act of sex into a sacred lovemaking experience. In fact, you can heal emotionally, sexually,
energetically and physically.
Sadly, there are a vast number of men and women who have
experienced sexual abuse in one form or another. These experiences include things such as
childhood molestation, sexual harassment, sexual assault and rape. There can also be great consequences for
individuals due to the negative attitude and/or the way sex is used to
encourage potential consumers to purchase products from cars to shoes.
Is it really possible to move past the stigma that has been
placed around sex and transform it into a sacred and healing experience for
yourself and within your relationship?
The short answer is yes. Below
you will discover three ways to help you start the healing process by
experiencing sacred sex.
Expectations
The first thing you need to do is to understand what sex and
lovemaking means to you. What are your
expectations? What are your wants? Your desires?
What emotions do you have around the act of sex and lovemaking? Have you had any negative sexual experiences? Were they traumatic for you or someone close
to you? Do you feel there is more to sex
than you have experienced to this point?
Do you initiate sex with your partner?
Do you believe it is okay for you to experience pleasure? Do you think you deserve it? Is your partner’s pleasure your
responsibility? Should you be satisfied
with your sex life? Is it okay for you
to want to experience new things and be adventuresome?
The cells in your body have consciousness and therefore,
when you experience things those memories and that knowledge can get stuck
within the body. These are called
holding patterns. They are not
necessarily stored in places you might expect.
It is possible for these memories to be stored in your right calf, your
left wrist, or simply wherever your body chooses to hold on to it. These holding patterns can block the natural
and easy flow of energy within your body and they have an impact on your
expectations.
Right now, as you are reading this, stop and become aware of
your body. Do you feel tightness in your
shoulders, nervousness in your stomach, or a cramp in your foot? How are you breathing? Is it different than normal? What you feel may be totally different from
these suggestions – just make note. Do
not judge yourself. Simply become
aware. Truly becoming conscious of your
body and how it feels and reacts is the first step to moving towards
healing. Your body will offer you great
insight if you are willing to pay attention and listen.
Now, take out a notebook and go back through the handful of
questions mentioned above in regards to your expectations around sex. Allow yourself to write freely – no matter
what comes to you write it down. As you
are doing this take time to stop periodically and notice your body again. Are there changes? Write down how your body feels as you move
through this exercise.
If you are in a relationship, it is vitally important to
uncover what his/her expectations are as well.
Do not pressure your partner, but it can be very helpful to you, both,
if he/she is willing to join you on this healing journey. It is also important to consider what you believe your partner’s expectations
are as well as what you believe your
lover expects or wants from you.
*If you uncover things that
you do not feel capable of handling, seek a counselor who specializes in sex
therapy and/or transpersonal psychology.
Solo Healing
Once you have a better understanding of your expectations
you can begin to move forward with solo healing. Depending on your individual needs you may be
ready to touch yourself sensually and explore your body with your hands. Yet, it is perfectly okay to not be ready for
this. Either way, begin to pamper
yourself and your body.
Eat healthy, exercise, get a fresh haircut (or an entire new
hair makeover), wear clothes that make you look and feel good, etc. Anything you can do for yourself that makes
you feel cared for, pampered, and loved is something you should do. You can even court yourself or date
yourself. Take you to see a movie, eat a nice meal, visit the zoo or an art
museum, or relax in a bubble bath with a good book. Get to know you again before you move into
touching yourself in a sexual way.
When you feel ready, schedule some time when you will feel
safe and secure without interruptions.
Begin to explore your body with your hands. You may also stand or sit in front of the mirror
as you allow your eyes to roam over you.
This is a non-judgmental experience.
As you look and feel your body, honor it, appreciate it, and thank it
for working hard as a vehicle for your soul to use to move through the journey
of life.
The more connected you are to your body and the more
accepting you are of it the more likely you will be able to fully move into
this sacred sexual healing.
Shared Life Force
Energy Healing
Sex and lovemaking with your beloved partner are really a
blending of your souls and an exchange of your life force energy. Transform physical sex into sacred sex with
your beloved by agreeing to enter into a lovemaking session without having the
goal be orgasm or climax. This removes
any potential pressure and allows both of you to expand your conscious
awareness of each other. It allows you
to open your heart and your soul as you move towards the gateway to Divine
access.
Take turns focusing on one another’s bodies. Become fully aware of your lover’s reactions
and responses. What makes him/her
uncomfortable? What brings him/her
pleasure? Remember this does not need to
be sexual pleasure, but instead physical pleasure that allows your sweetheart
to relax into the moment and connect with the life force energy with his/her
soul as well as with yours.
Adjusting your breathing can also offer you amazing
opportunities to relax and connect with Spirit.
See a previous post we shared on 7 Ways to Use Breathing to Improve Sex.
As you become more fully present and relax, your sexual energy,
which is the life force energy we mentioned, will begin to flow more easily
through your body. With the flow of this
energy you may begin to help some of your holding patterns break free. This can help you release guilt, fear, shame
and self-judgment.
Healing is not a snap of your fingers and it magically
happens sort of thing. It takes
time. Therefore, when you begin to gain
awareness of your expectations be certain that you do not expect one or two
sessions of sacred sex to suddenly heal your wounds. With awareness, understanding, appreciation,
and love for yourself and your lover you can start the healing process via your
spiritual lovemaking.
Copyright 2012
Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D.
Rob Alex, M.Sc.
Twitter - @janelledalex
@sexychallenges
Photo credit - fotolia.com subscription
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