Life is full of changes. Move through them while feeling confident, sexy and filled with love.
Life is full of changes. We move through our lives with hopes and desires. Yet, we often find ourselves unhappy, stressed and with a sense of feeling hopeless and undesirable. Wouldn’t it be an amazing and a wondrous experience to live life feeling healthy and sexy? Instead of having that, many of us continue to wonder just how we are supposed to maintain positive attitudes and thrive in all of our relationships. We may not even be aware that positive thoughts are a golden key to thriving – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and even financially.
Even when we are aware, this beautiful space that we encounter, occasionally, seems to evaporate as old patterns begin to reinvade our blissful state. Have you had this happen? You are filled with joy and excitement about life and about your partner. Then, suddenly the discord, the monotony, the “ho hum”, the trials and tribulations start showing up. You feel that just once you would really like to be in a relationship that fills you up instead of tearing you down. You want to just enjoy the relationship instead of having to work so hard to keep it strong and healthy.
This is understandable, but life is not a bowl of cherries. It is about love, but it is about growth – personal growth, spiritual growth. We cannot grow and expand if we do not experience any “growing pains.” Only we can judge when the pain is too much. No one else can tell us when it is time to walk away. No one else can tell us when we must stay either. At the same time, there are a number of things we can change. Now is this about changing your partner? No! We cannot change others unless they want to change, but we can change ourselves. When we do this we will uncover the joy and happiness within ourselves and not rely on anyone else to create this for us. Our change will affect us individually and it will also have a tremendous impact on those around us.
So, what are some key things you can do to change or do differently that will help you develop and then stay in a healthy, positive, sexy and thriving relationship?
1. Have love and compassion for YOU! Imagine a time in your life when you were a child and experienced something that upset you. Now, imagine your adult self wrapping your arms around your child self. In your imagination, offer gentleness, an outpouring of love, and have deep compassion for your child self. Tell this part of you that everything is going to be all right – that she is loved. When you learn to do this for your inner child you can shift it and offer this same love and compassion for yourself as an adult today. This is not about being selfish. This is about loving and respecting yourself. The more you can love and have compassion for yourself, the more you will be able to do so for others.
2. Be present with your partner and others. When you are with your partner really be with him/her. Pay real attention to what he/she has to say. Practice deep listening. Do not interrupt, change the subject or avoid conversation. Hear what he/she has to say. Put away the cell phone, turn off the television, shut off your computer and focus your attention on those around you. Show your partner and others that they are truly important to you.
3. Change the words you use. Pay close attention to the words you choose to use. Do you use negative words? Do you call yourself or others “stupid” or “fat” or even “foolish? These are hurtful words to others and ourselves. Even when we use them in a joking tone, they carry negative energy. The energy we send out is what we are going to get in return. Do you want more stupid, fat, and foolish people around you? You can change your words. Try saying, “I do not feel as thin as I prefer to be in these clothes,” instead of “These freaking pants are too tight on my fat butt!”
4. Let go of the need to be right. This one can be challenging, but it is well worth all of the effort you may need to put into it. When you are discussing something with your partner or another person and you do not agree with them, what do you typically do? It is more common than not that we want to correct him/her, say he/she is wrong, and tell this person what we think is right. But, if you can stop and take some time to simply see it from the other person’s perspective, you may just be amazed at what will happen. For one thing, you are showing your partner or whoever that you value his/her perspective. And, it is possible that you might just shift your view a bit. If you don’t change your mind, that is okay – just be willing to respect and appreciate the differences between you and your partner.
5. Eat healthier. This may seem obvious, but sometimes we forget. Certain foods can make us feel heavy and bloated, or on the opposite end, some foods leave us feeling hungry and unfulfilled. No one can tell you exactly what we should eat. Everyone’s bodies are different. Therefore, you need to find a nutrition coach, a ayurvedic practitioner, or read up on various ways to have a healthier diet. Changing your diet can have a tremendous impact on your physical and mental health as well as your emotional health.
6. Exercise regularly. Yep. It is true. We need to be active. Our bodies are designed to move. They are not made to sit in front of a computer all day or become couch potatoes. It is important for all of us to be active in one way or another. This keeps the body younger, maintains higher metabolism and it keeps the mind younger too. Going through life in a body that is in shape also helps us feel sexier and more confident.
7. Connect to your spirituality. Our busy lives can often get in the way of noticing the beauty all around us. We trudge to work everyday without sensing or hearing the call of our soul. Your religious or spiritual beliefs are yours and you should follow what resonates with you. This is not about changing your beliefs. This is about paying attention to your Spirit and your Soul. This can be done in so many ways. Here are two simple ways 1) Take five minutes a day to just sit quietly with your eyes closed. Breathe in deeply and then slowly release that breath. Continue focusing on your breath throughout this break in your day. 2) Listen to your inner voice, your instinct, your gut. Those little ideas or thoughts that just pop into your head are often from your soul or spirit trying to get a message to you. Pay attention.
8. Mix-up your sex life. Making changes in your sex life with your partner can deepen the bond between the two of you and enhance your emotional as well as your physical intimacy. Trying new things, learning what each other’s desires are, and honoring one other through physical communication can have a profound impact. We suggest adding
Sexy Challenges and
Intimate Adventures: Sacred Ceremonies for Couples to your intimate life. You can rekindle or enhance your passion with the exciting scenarios shared in Sexy Challenges. You can also discover the sacredness in your relationship – emotionally, physically, spiritually - with the beautiful and fun filled exercises, rituals, experiences and ceremonies in Intimate Adventures.
Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. Copyright 2011
