Stop Bashing Your Partner When They're Not Around

Stop Bashing Your Partner When They're Not Around

(Seriously, You’re Not Auditioning for a Stand-Up Set)

We’ve all been there.

You're at a dinner party, out with friends, or sitting around the family table when someone lets loose:
“Ugh, my husband loads the dishwasher like it’s an abstract art installation.”
“My wife? She says she’s ‘just running in for one thing’ and comes out with a cart full of candles and a kayak.”

Cue the laughs. Cue the eye rolls. Cue the wave of people joining in, each trying to one-up the last with their own “my partner is ridiculous” story. Before you know it, you’re knee-deep in a Roast Battle: Relationship Edition.

It’s funny. Until it’s not.

Let’s Call It What It Is: Bad Habit in a Cute Outfit

Mocking your partner when they’re not around may feel like harmless venting, but over time, it turns into a bad habit that wears matching pajamas with resentment.

And sure, we all need to let off steam sometimes. Nobody’s saying you have to pretend your significant other floats around the house glowing with angelic perfection while folding laundry with unicorn tears. But there’s a difference between the occasional, light-hearted gripe and turning every conversation into a roast.

Because here’s the thing: if the only way you bond with your friends is by dragging your partner through the comedic mud, that’s… not cute. That’s lazy love and emotionally discounted entertainment.

So, What If We Flipped the Script?

Imagine this: You’re at brunch, your friend goes off about how their boyfriend never replaces the toilet paper roll, and you casually drop,
“Well, last night my husband rubbed my feet even though I 100% ignored him all day because I was annoyed he bought the wrong cereal.”

Record scratch. Did you just… say something NICE?

Yes. Yes, you did.

You know what happens when you start complimenting your partner in public? One, your friends blink in shock. Two, they might start doing it too. And three, you start to remember all the things you actually like about your partner—those sweet, weird, wonderful things that made you choose them over literally everyone else on Earth.

Real Talk: You’re Training Yourself

When you bash your partner regularly—even jokingly—you’re literally training your brain to see the bad first. You start noticing flaws before you notice effort. Grumbles before gratitude.

But if you make a conscious effort to highlight the good—even the goofy good, like how they always make the coffee just right or let you have the last fry—your mindset shifts. You see more good because you're looking for it.

It’s basically Relationship Law of Attraction. But with less vision boards and more actual bonding.

Bonus Side Effect: People Will Love You for It

Want to be the couple people actually like being around? Be the couple that lifts each other up, even when the other one isn’t in the room. It sets a tone. It creates that warm, fuzzy “I want what they have” vibe.

No one wants to hang out with a pair who constantly trash talk each other. That’s not love. That’s passive-aggressive improv comedy, and it’s exhausting.

Celebrate Your Person—They’re Yours, After All

Look, nobody’s saying you have to pretend your partner doesn’t occasionally snore like a congested walrus or text you from the other room instead of walking 10 feet. But balance the quirks with compliments. Sprinkle some love in with the laughs.

And next time you’re tempted to go full roast mode while your partner’s not around, try this instead:

Talk about how they remembered your weird favorite snack.
Mention how they made you laugh when you were being a total grouch.
Tell your friends how they always warm up your side of the bed.

You might just start a trend.

And you just might fall a little more in love while you’re at it.